The Senior Ladies’ Social Committee
The Senior Ladies had decided that they must be seen to be doing something to encourage the youth of the local area. With this in mind they had devised a scheme involving a Youth Assembly, but not having any idea of what anyone under 40 actually enjoys doing, they had asked me to attend a meeting to offer some ideas.
The senior Senior Lady sat opposite me and eyed me with some suspicion and not a little fear for the future.
“If you could just give us some ideas we can take them away and work on them.” she said without any hint of a smile.
“Well, what about getting in the African Drummers. I’ve always fancied trying that out myself and I’m sure the youngsters would love them.”
Senior Senior Lady’s eyebrows arched away from her pearly blue eyeshadow as she pulled her lips in towards her teeth. “No, I’m not sure about drumming. Can you imagine the complaints about noise we would get. No, most definitely not.”
I wasn’t giving up that easily so I smiled sweetly and continued. “OK, well I’ve got a contact for a girl who does massage. That shouldn’t be too loud and I’m sure it would be enjoyable.”
“Oh no. That’s all that Reiki stuff isn’t it. That’s the invocation of evil spirits so we couldn’t have that.
At this point she may have heard the mini explosion as I attempted to stifle a laugh. “Erm I don’t think it’s got anything to do with evil spirits. I think its simply…”
“No dear, It’s just not what we were looking for”.
By this point the Youth Activities Section of my Mental Filing Cabinet was beginning to take on a rather sinister hue that I had never previously contemplated. “Well I do have a contact for a magician.”
By this point I could hear a few sharp intakes of breath. The more charitable amongst them were probably considering praying for my tainted soul. “A Magician!” Most certainly not. What have we just been saying about evil spirits?”
“But magic’s not evil. It’s just sleight of hand really.”
“Most certainly not. You really are not understanding our point. Look perhaps we will just leave our discussion of what we are going to do and think about how we are going to get sponsorship.
Now I should have been aware of the way the conversation was heading but the next words just seemed to slip out of my mouth without warning (It’ll be those pesky evil spirits I suppose).
“Well the Fox and Hounds has been good to us in the past.”
“THE PUB!” Oh my goodness well that certainly will not do. You don’t think that we would have anything to do with pubs do you. Oh dear oh dear.”
At this point my attempt to suppress my laughter was failing miserably and I felt that it was time to leave. To be fair I think that it was the only thing that we all agreed on all night.
“Oh all right I’ll admit it, I am in league with the Devil. Why don’t you just do crochet then. You’ll get a huge uptake of youngsters for that one”. *
*Of course I didn’t actually say this but the temptation was very strong.
The senior Senior Lady sat opposite me and eyed me with some suspicion and not a little fear for the future.
“If you could just give us some ideas we can take them away and work on them.” she said without any hint of a smile.
“Well, what about getting in the African Drummers. I’ve always fancied trying that out myself and I’m sure the youngsters would love them.”
Senior Senior Lady’s eyebrows arched away from her pearly blue eyeshadow as she pulled her lips in towards her teeth. “No, I’m not sure about drumming. Can you imagine the complaints about noise we would get. No, most definitely not.”
I wasn’t giving up that easily so I smiled sweetly and continued. “OK, well I’ve got a contact for a girl who does massage. That shouldn’t be too loud and I’m sure it would be enjoyable.”
“Oh no. That’s all that Reiki stuff isn’t it. That’s the invocation of evil spirits so we couldn’t have that.
At this point she may have heard the mini explosion as I attempted to stifle a laugh. “Erm I don’t think it’s got anything to do with evil spirits. I think its simply…”
“No dear, It’s just not what we were looking for”.
By this point the Youth Activities Section of my Mental Filing Cabinet was beginning to take on a rather sinister hue that I had never previously contemplated. “Well I do have a contact for a magician.”
By this point I could hear a few sharp intakes of breath. The more charitable amongst them were probably considering praying for my tainted soul. “A Magician!” Most certainly not. What have we just been saying about evil spirits?”
“But magic’s not evil. It’s just sleight of hand really.”
“Most certainly not. You really are not understanding our point. Look perhaps we will just leave our discussion of what we are going to do and think about how we are going to get sponsorship.
Now I should have been aware of the way the conversation was heading but the next words just seemed to slip out of my mouth without warning (It’ll be those pesky evil spirits I suppose).
“Well the Fox and Hounds has been good to us in the past.”
“THE PUB!” Oh my goodness well that certainly will not do. You don’t think that we would have anything to do with pubs do you. Oh dear oh dear.”
At this point my attempt to suppress my laughter was failing miserably and I felt that it was time to leave. To be fair I think that it was the only thing that we all agreed on all night.
“Oh all right I’ll admit it, I am in league with the Devil. Why don’t you just do crochet then. You’ll get a huge uptake of youngsters for that one”. *
*Of course I didn’t actually say this but the temptation was very strong.
18 comments:
Macrame. That's really the direction you should've gone in. And a nice beetle drive. That's what the youth of today love. I would suggest a whist drive but, that could just encourage gambling. Alternatively, compromise: Get them to crochet voodoo dolls. Of The Senior Ladies' Social Commitee perhaps.
One reason I won't get involved with these groups! Old and young really don't mix too well when it comes to ideas.
Crystal xx
Ooh Gari I do love that idea - that's the Voodoo Dolls Idea. I'm sure that would be most enjoyable.
Well Crystal I'm certainly finding out that the two mix as well as petrol and lit matches.
Oh dear. You just can't reason ith old ladies who thing everything is evil. I commend you for trying, though.
Thanks Katie. It is a tough job.
There is immense enjoyment of the purest kind to be had from a simple Tea-Dance, Gwen. A good Darjeeling, combined with a Joe Loss record, can work wonders on the most disaffected of Youth!
Or you could all appear in a documentary.
Why didn't I think of that ISBW? But remember there should be no males and females dancing together. The Senior Ladies just would not put up with that sort of shennanigans.
It would be the funniest documentary for some time I feel Five Centres.
Or you could get the kids to give a talk on 'mugging avoidance' to the old dears. You know, reaffirm some of their prejudices...
Nice blog - I've enjoyed having a poke around!
Mya x
LO - I can exactly picture the old dears sitting around looking disapproving. Thanks for the laugh.
I love it when you blog about your youth stuff. What a funny read....Loved it. Sorry have been such a rotten correspondent - am struggling with job etc at moment but hope to improve after Christmas.
Just to warn you, I'm trying desperately to find 56 facts about myself, In an attempt to clear my head of Bank Training misery, I started to list My 56 things...I'm at 3 now, so it may take a while.
Glasgow was very kind to me for the fortnight, and I have to go back next week, even if the job goes to buggery, it's re-kindled my love affair with the city. I may just decamp there after all. Hope you are well.
Hi Gari
Glad you enjoyed Glasgow. I am well but incredibly busy. I have now lost count of the different jobs I do. I will hopefully be back blogging soon.
Cheers
I actually think it's reassuring that there's a generation gap between old and young. Sometimes, when I see senior ladies in leggings and fleeces and senior gentlemen in baseball caps and stout trainers I worry that our older people are no longer behaving properly! (Radio 2 playlisting "indie" bands should be blamed.) Then I read something like this and I think, hooray, we are still living on different planets.
It's as it should be. I hope when I'm an old man, I don't think like young whippersnappers. (Actually, it's happening already.)
I love reading your blog, hope you don't mind me commenting.
I commend you, you must be a very patient woman to remain reasonable in the face of such unhelpful attitudes.
I took my children to an African drumming group and they haven't exhibited any bad effects so far, but I expect I'd be disapproved of for a whole host of reasons by that lady!
Gwen, where ARE you? Your public needs you!
Oh VS I'm quite touched - honest. Give me till the weekend. I've got too many hats to wear at the moment and they are threatening to submerge me in a thicket of cotton or something. I will aim to blog again on Saturday.
This is rocks. Very interesting story.
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