When I’m (Not) Cleaning Windows
I have, I fear, yet again been exposed as a disgrace to housewifery. The fact that I am neither anyone’s wife nor resident in my house for any lengths of time appears not to be the point. The heavy hand of Housewife’s Law fell upon me at the weekend when my next-door neighbour approached me. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a couple of weeks now” she said. Doesn’t your heart sink on hearing words such as these? They take you back to schooldays and the knowledge that some terrible punishment awaits for whichever one of your misdemeanours you have been found out this time.
“Morning” I said, affecting a weak smile and hoping that my apparent friendliness would diminish whatever cruel punishment awaited. “I’ve noticed that your windows are needing a bit of a clean” she stated. Now she does have a point. I have struggled to find a window cleaner for the last couple of months and my windows have become progressively darker to the point where they would soon have made effective WWII Blackout Curtains and if they were a van, someone would have written “plez cleen me” on them by now. I would imagine that introducing these darker tones to my windows was, in her estimation, lowering the tone of the neighbourhood somewhat. (She wants to live between a brothel and a drug den, but that’s an entirely different post.)
“Now I’m sure that you’re like me and you like clean windows,” she continued. On the evidence of my blackening windows I couldn’t think what could possibly have drawn her to that conclusion, but I felt that the only right and proper response was a resounding “Yes of course”. “Good” she said. “So I’ve organised for my window cleaner to clean your windows as well.” This was, you understand a statement of intent, which I could no less back out of than desist from breathing.
I thanked her profusely for her kindness and was about to hurry off when she hit me with her final thought. “And your parents have made such a good job of your garden”. Now that’s taking the cruelty too far because the person who has been slaving for hours at a time over a hot lawnmower, attempting to dodge death inducing blades, getting all manner of nastiness under her fingernails, and thereby not having the time to find a window cleaner has in fact been me. Thanks for that Mrs X..
“Morning” I said, affecting a weak smile and hoping that my apparent friendliness would diminish whatever cruel punishment awaited. “I’ve noticed that your windows are needing a bit of a clean” she stated. Now she does have a point. I have struggled to find a window cleaner for the last couple of months and my windows have become progressively darker to the point where they would soon have made effective WWII Blackout Curtains and if they were a van, someone would have written “plez cleen me” on them by now. I would imagine that introducing these darker tones to my windows was, in her estimation, lowering the tone of the neighbourhood somewhat. (She wants to live between a brothel and a drug den, but that’s an entirely different post.)
“Now I’m sure that you’re like me and you like clean windows,” she continued. On the evidence of my blackening windows I couldn’t think what could possibly have drawn her to that conclusion, but I felt that the only right and proper response was a resounding “Yes of course”. “Good” she said. “So I’ve organised for my window cleaner to clean your windows as well.” This was, you understand a statement of intent, which I could no less back out of than desist from breathing.
I thanked her profusely for her kindness and was about to hurry off when she hit me with her final thought. “And your parents have made such a good job of your garden”. Now that’s taking the cruelty too far because the person who has been slaving for hours at a time over a hot lawnmower, attempting to dodge death inducing blades, getting all manner of nastiness under her fingernails, and thereby not having the time to find a window cleaner has in fact been me. Thanks for that Mrs X..
15 comments:
Blimey, Gwen! I'm not sure I would have been so calm. It's a good job I live in the middle of nowhere as my cleaning efforts are particularly minimal!
I'm supposed to be a farmer's wife - a modern day one of course! We are supposed to spend all our time cooking, cleaning, washing and tending to the "menfolk". I'd rather clean a sheep's backside and that, I might add, is slightly cleaner than my windows! Crystal x
I'm surprised she didn't get out her newspaper and white vinegar and start cleaning them herself. Cheeky cow!
I just hope your neighbour doesn't walk past my flat anytime soon, she'll be sending me her window cleaner too!
I'm impressed you're taking it so well!
Crystal, Kelly, Pepette. Strangely I was nore annoyed about the gardening comment because that was something I had really been slaving over and my parents got the credit for. I hadn't however done anything about the windows so I just found it hilariously funny. Mind you I am pretty laid back about most things, so if she had said that to someone else she might have got a totally different response.
Tell her it was you doing the garden and as a reciprocal gesture you'd love to pop over and dig her a little grave in one of her flowerbeds - 'Saves time and worry later,' A pox on her.
That sounds like an excellent idea Omega Mum. I will bear that in mind.
Splendid notion, Omega mum!
Gwen, you are star! I have finally sorted the link list - thank you for your help! Best Wishes, Crystal x
Excellent Crystal. I'm glad I could be of assistance.
Hi there - just found you, what with all this 'tagging' talk etc
Excellent blog - I admire your forebearance in the face of someone being so, well, in your face.
Have only read the most recent but will be back.
Just as long as it's not that your lack of interest in window cleaning is interfering with her view of your life. Curtain twitching is alive and well you know!
well, good for you. l hate anything to do with houswifey stuff. life is to short, beside isn't glass designed to keep the wind & rain out who need to look in anyway?
A nice garden is much more important than clean windows. I think you have your priorities straight.
I would've told her to call her window cleaner off. Windows must be dirty to reflect the 'magic moonbeams' that 'they' bombard you with.
I would then have told her that you also didn't want people to see the jars of urine you have been collecting for the last two months.
Finally I would have pointed at the sky, barked 'Invasion! Evacuate!" into my watch, run to the house and started to cover the windows with tin foil.
She probably wouldn't bother you again...
Nice to meet you Debio and thanks for the compliment. Please visit again. I suppose you have to bite your tongue with neigbours because you see them all the time.
I had never thought of that Good Woman. That puts an entirely different slant on her wish for my windows to be clean doesn't it? Now that my windows will be cleaner I'll have to close the curtains and blinds more often to dissuade her from peeking in.
I love your attitude Muddy Boots. Why can't more people see the world like that? Nice to see you and please visit again.
Thanks Katie, I would agree with your sentiments.
Now Valentine why oh why didn't I think of that. That will be my plan for the next such encounter.
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