Friday, September 07, 2007

Scratching at the Surface

You may remember a blog post of a few weeks ago dealing with mysterious goings on in my street. I felt under an obligation to uncover what I felt was the murky truth of the matter, for research purposes only of course. Sadly I didn’t uncover the truth of that particular matter but in attempting to do so, I unwittingly stumbled upon a much bigger and altogether darker story.

Picture the scene if you will. A young teenager full of the joyful anticipation of young love gets a nasty wake up call when she discovers that her beloved is seeing someone else. Obviously she is distraught and keen to find out who the “other woman” is. Imagine her horror on discovering that the “other woman” was in fact her own mother. They say that “blood is thicker than water”, but so enraged was the teenager in question that spilling blood was in the forefront of her mind.

One day while her mother was gardening the girl saw her chance. Finding some handy garden twine (they don’t tell you in the shop but I believe it’s pretty good for this kind of thing) she attempted to strangle her mother. In the words of my 16 year old informant she “strangled her TO THE GROUND!” Quite why to the ground should be any more lethal than any other kind of strangulation I’m not sure but our 16 year old friend seemed to feel that it was. *

Happily (for the mother anyway we can assume) the strangulation itself was not lethal, the mother survived and the young man in question is now seeing neither the young strangler nor her mother (wise chap).

So you see, you may think that you live in a very quiet and unassuming street but to quote one Charlie Rich “no one knows what goes on behind closed doors”.



*To be honest there is just the outside chance that young J. has made up the whole thing but I hope not.

15 comments:

Squirmy Popple said...

Wow - that sounds like the sort of thing that you see on Jerry Springer.

Gwen said...

It certainly does. I was a bit shocked but also found it quite exciting.

Kolley Kibber said...

Lucky the young Romeo in question didn't get 'pruned' with a handy pair of secateurs...

Gwen said...

Yes ISBW- he may never see gardening in quite the same light again.

Omega Mum said...

Lie or not, it's a cracking good story and I particularly like 'strangling to the ground'. And it's a useful tip. My youngest has discovered an old skipping rope and keeps looking at me in a meaning way. Though about ten years too young for a boyfriend.

Anonymous said...

Cor blimey! It's a go in your street. Perhaps you should have it renamed to Coronation or better still, Walford.

Crystal xx

Nunhead Mum of One said...

and I thought The Avenue was eventful! i hope it's been sorted out now though. I must admit I do get a little bit of a kick out of watching the goings on of my neighbours. Am sure that makes me a Nosy Parker!

Gwen said...

Thanks Omega Mum. Yes young J. certainly can spin a good story. Perhaps a career as a novelist awaits. I did like the strangling to the ground bit too. It makes it seem oh so real. I would be a bit concerned though about your youngest's meaningful looks with regards to the skipping rope.

Yes Crystal. I do like the idea of Coronation or Walford. I think considering our recent history these would be much more appropriate titles.

Gwen said...

I think I must be a bit of a nosy parker as well because I love hearing all about what is going on in our street. I assume the incident is now in the past because the mother in question regularly walks along our street with no obvious oxygen constriction problems so all appears to be well.

auntiegwen said...

Can you imagine anything worse than your mum getting it on with your partner ?

The betrayal, the shame !!!, that really is bad, bad patter. Or as my son's mate always says proper nasty.

debio said...

What a great story - I hope it's true - brings a bit of colour to the neighbourhood, don't you think?

Gorilla Bananas said...

I always take it as a compliment when someone wants to mate with my mother.

Kelly Innes said...

Not that I'd begrudge my mother a little love and affection, she always told me I could only borrow her clothes when i fit her knickers. As that has never happened (the knicker-fitting),I see no reason to think that she'd 'borrow' my husband!!!

Teenagers- not what they used to be. I'd have been happy to have stayed out past curfew drinking 20/20. Don't think I kissed a man till I was 16...

Jon Peake said...

Never a dull moment for you Gwen. Are you sure it's not River City you're living in?

Gwen said...

I think Gwen that the thought of your mum getting it on with your partner is particularly revolting. Strangely it is common (if you believe agony aunt columns anyway)

It certainly brings a bit of colour Debio. Blood red and green envy perhaps.

Thanks Gorilla Bananas. I assume that you would not resort to strangulation then.

I hope that she wouldn't borrow your husband Kelly. Knickers I can cope with though.

It's quite like River City Five Centres but with better acting and believable accents.