Same Jeans

You'll have heard Same Jeans by The View. Even Sarah Kennedy on Radio 2 has played it but I'm afraid that, for me, it is an excruciating listen. Let's consider the lyrics and the mental images they conjure up.

"I've had the same jeans on

For four days now"

Immediately in the first line we are faced with the vision of some manky adolescent who hasn't changed his jeans (and quite probably any other of his clothes - including underwear) or washed (we can assume) in four days. What must the smell be like? It must be hideous. Added to that is that fact that he may well have been in sweaty clubs for a fair proportion of those four days and the sweat quotient increases to (I would say) an almost unbearable degree. The jeans are also I would imagine stained with the kind of stains which lovingly recall student days - beer, tomato ketchup, cigarettes, etc etc.

So, having had these disgusting jeans on for four days you might think that he would now maybe do the decent thing and peel them off and throw then in the nearest bin (or burn them perhaps) but No!!! What's the next line?

"I'm gonna go to a disco

In the middle of town"

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

You Manky Idiot!

You are already stinking to high heaven and you think that being near other people in a sweaty environment is a good thing? Surely they won't let you past the door?

This disco is in the middle of town you say? They will smell you when you are at the edge of the town on your way in.

OK - Assuming he's by some miracle got into the disco he then starts on a bit of philosophy (I think)

"Life's one big circle

and it doesn't end

When it ends

Will you still be my friend"

Well make up your mind as to whether you think life ends or not then!! The life of your jeans needs to end soon enough.

And "Will you still be my friend"

Well I reckon that his serious hygiene problems would seriously curtail his chances of even making friends never mind keeping them.

Maybe he has considered that this is a possibility as the next line states

"I'm not making a fool of myself

Oh tell me

I'm not making a fool of myself"

Well, actually mate, you are making a huge big hairy fool of yourself.

One more choice line to share

"Life's just made your head spin around"

No - Actually that'll be the stink coming from you that's made your head spin!!

I've really only one more comment to make

GET SOME SOAP AND HAVE A WASH!!

You're History

I was doing a quiz with the teenage group I work with when we came to a question about Queen Victoria. What was the name of Queen Victoria's husband. A pretty easy question - or so I thought. I was pretty shocked that the goup didn't know the answer to this. The conversation went something like this:-

Me: So no one knows who Queen Victoria's husband was. What do they teach you in history.
(Thinks: That's shocking - kids these days - they learn nothing of any importance at school - what hope is there etc, etc)
"So what DO you learn about in history?"

The Group: "The Holocaust."

Oh Right OK - Erm well that's me told then isn't it!!!

Today's Second Abstract Thought - Pixies

I heard a Pixies track played on a local radio station on Friday - Here Comes Your Man from Doolittle. For some reason it gave me a lovely warm glow inside.

Next week maybe they will play Tame!

Today's Abstract Thought - There's Lots of Weather

What does it mean when the weather forecaster says - "Today there's going to be lots of weather?" What would a day with little or no weather be like? Should every day not have the same quota of weather? Does a day without that much weather feel left out? It's quite a thought and maybe a very real problem.

Strange Day at Work - And It's Only Just Begun

Today has started out rather oddly at work today. I have just come in at 8.20am and there is no one in. I had to open up. This is highly strange because there are normally folk in from about 8.15am. What has happened? Has my boss given everyone a day off including himself and not told me? Did my alarm not go off on Friday and this is now Saturday - no I'm sure that is not it - this blog keeps me right with the date. It is most odd. Ahh - I hear a rustling down stairs. It's quarter to 9.00am. There must be someone else my boss hasn't told about todays "holiday". I'm off to investigate!!

Comment Moderation

I've removed the comment moderation setting because it's nice to be able to see your comments on the screen when you publish :)

Another Couple of Pictures

Pictures of Oban and Kerrera Summer 2006

Is This Art?

I read this review yesterday

"Controversial Turner Prizewinning Artist Martin Creed will be in Glasgow in Friday morning to talk about his recent short film Sick, a 20-minute work, featuring loops of people vomiting."

I mean "Eh"!! OK the word controversial should have warned me but who would really pay money to see a film of people being sick. And what would there be to talk about? Even just thinking about it would make me a subject for the film. Actually I wouldn't mind being a fly on the wall at this event just to see what kind of people would be interested in this sort of thing. I'm sure there would be certain people who could think up some fancy intellectual things to say but would they mean it?

I freely admit that I know absolutely diddly-squat about Art but on the basis of this kind of Art I would prefer to remain clueless.

Of course if anyone is interested I will gladly pass on further details!!

Pump it Up

I was pleasantly surprised to see this article today.

http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/wellbeing/story/0,,2017064,00.html

I thought I was almost alone in thinking that the music at my local gym is totally inappropriate for a good workout. I mean they play things like James Blunt and Razorlight. Now how are you supposed to get a good going workout with slow insipid songs (no offence to Razorlight and James Blunt fans - but it's not gym music now is it). I want good going dancy music with big beats - music that I won't have a clue of the name of the track or the act (it's not songs and bands with dance music is it?) I'm never going to get fit with James Blunt and Razorlight - unless of course it's from running to get far away from it.

Quiz Show

After comments from a regular correspondent on this blog (or blob as one of my friends refers to them) I have to admit my liking for radio phone in quizzes. Although I would never admit my ignorance by actually phoning in myself I take great pleasure in shouting at the radio variously - "No", "Wrong", "How could you even think that", "Yes, I know that one its..." etc. etc. My particular favourites are The Betamax Challenge and Six Degrees of Separation on Stuart Maconie's show on Radio 2 on Saturdays. If I'm listening during the day it's the dulcet tones of Ken Bruce and Popmaster that I shout at. Well it's a bit of fun isn't it - until the neighbours and other motorists think you a bit barmy - anyway!!

So, what are your favourite phone-ins, have you entered any and have you ever won anything on any?

Do tell all.

Water Water Everywhere

My downstairs neighbours are gutting their house. And when I say gutting I really mean gutting with such a passion and intensity that there is not a shred of humanity left in the house - well I'm sure it will look good when it is finished. They got someone in to give them a quote for redecorating the bathroom. Unfortunately he wouldn't give them a quote when he saw a rather nasty black stain coming down the wall from the direction of my bathroom. My neighbours I have to say were very nice about it but did indicate to me that this would need to be rectified forthwith before perhaps the black stain became a black trickle / stream / flood etc etc.

However - getting a plumber is not as easy as you might think. I called my usual trusted plumber. He would have done it but is off sick. I called another - He could do it in about 2 months time. My boss called his plumber. He couldn't do it until he had finished a job he is doing for our company - about 6 months away. Oh dear. Mental images of water water everywhere rising in the house like a rising panic. So the upshot is that my dad (who is nowhere near a plumber or any kind of tradesman - but is kind of handy about the house) will have a look instead.

Wish me luck.

Today's Abstract Thought - The Organist Entertains

"Nigel Ogden presents a programme of popular organ recordings including classics, and standards"

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy Radio 2 but I'm still trying to fathom the point of "The Organist Entertains." Who actually listens to "Go Tell It On The Mountain" played on an ancient Wurlitzer. Are there really organ enthusiasts out there who can get excited about such things. If there are please explain.

Friday Night is Ceilidh Night

Being Scottish I suppose you would expect me to go to the odd ceilidh. And so it was that I was at a ceilidh on Friday night. It was a lot of fun as these things tend to be. I remember when I was a lot younger they would be quite wild affairs and you wouldn't get out without a few bruises. I have to say that this one was a much gentler affair which I was pretty happy with. Not that I couldn't cope but I just don't get the same excitement nowadays from being thrown around a room and finding myself lying on the floor a few times per dance.

Some of the aforementioned teenagers (see previous post) were also there. I have to say that they behaved impeccably and I noticed that most of the girls had identical shoes. Very high heeled black numbers and I haven't a clue how they danced in them, but dance they did.

I also got the soap operaesqe stories of who was going out with/being dumped by who and it almost made me quite nostalgic for the teenage years but let me say almost - not quite totally!

The boys were still at the gangly tall stage but they will hopefully soon muscle/beef up a bit. Once that's done, they will be able to throw the girls round the room with all the gusto that I remember the boys doing when I was at that age.

PS On Saturday night I went to tea at my mum and dads with my gran who turned 93 that day. I reckon she could still show us a thing or two about dancing.

Size Zero Beckons

I was shocked to hear from a friend yesterday that she had seen UK Size 4 (US Size Zero) clothes in an Asda near Glasgow. This is, in my opinion, wholly irresponsible as it can only encourage certain people to slim to these unnatural sizes.

As an aside I am a very healthy Size 12 and was shocked to discover that in some modelling quarters this is termed a "plus size"

I do some voluntary work with teenagers and know the damage that unrealistic expectations of weight and beauty can cause. I have also seen the misery for sufferers, families and friends that comes from anorexia and bullimia.

I also feel quite squeamish when I see pictures of stick thin models and some celebrities in magazines.

Most teenagers I know are quite healthy UK size 8 - 10 (US size 6 - 8 I think. ) Asda may say that they are simply catering for all sizes but my belief is that Size Zero is not a natural size and is a case of the clothes size creating the body size rather than the other way around.

Has anyone elase seen these Size Zero clothes? Any comments would be welcome.

Today's Abstract Thought - Chocolate

Wouldn't chocolate be absolutely perfect in so many ways if only it didn't put weight on you?

Jean's Hot Food

After my previous post on Tesco I was heartened this morning when getting bacon rolls from Jeans Hot Food. Really this is just a takeaway food van round the corner from the office similar to many others. But it's also an example of the small person taking on the might of the Supermarkets and doing quite well actually. There isn't a supermarket near my office but even if there was I would rather go to Jeans and get my bacon rolls piping hot cooked on the spot and support Jean.

Six Degrees of Separation

I have always been intruiged by the idea of six degrees of separation - the theory that anyone on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five intermediaries. (The theory was first proposed in 1929 by the Hungarian writer Frigyes Karinthy in a short story called "Chains.")

It is of course even more intersting if you can link up with someone famous and I bet that most people can. My claim to Degree of Separation fame is that I once worked beside someone whose neice was Kylie Minogue's PA - so I think that that would make me two degrees of separation away from Kylie. Apparently her PA had the same size of feet as Kylie and got all her cast off shoes - how good would that be?

Anyway - has anyone else out there in blogland got a claim to degrees of separation fame?

Tesco takes over the World

You may or may not have heard that Tesco is planning on taking over an entire Scottish Town. Or at least its town centre to be more exact. Normally I would have viewed this as yet another shocking example of the large supermarkets' ongoing damage to local shops, fair competition and producers. However this case is somewhat different.

Linwood (the town in question) has been beset with numerous problems in the past, starting with the failure of the Linwood Car Plant and leading now to a heavily vandalised and largely derelict town centre. The plans (in a deal led by local MSP Wendy Alexander) are reported to involve a new library, health centre, community centre and offices as well as the ubiquitous Tesco Supermarket. It is hoped that 300 well needed jobs for local people will also be created. It is also hoped that new housing and inward investment will be added knock on effects.

Added to this, local people are on the whole happy with the proposals, hoping that a very real positive change will come about for the town centre and Linwood as a whole.

Of course Tesco's plans are not entirely altruistic but let's hope that something positive can come out of the plans of one of the major players in the supermarket game.

Cheery?

I was walking to work this morning just minding my own business when a total stranger coming the other way told me to "Cheer Up".

Some Issues:-

1. Who is grinning from ear to ear when going to work at 7.45am having got up at 6.30am?
2. Was I looking miserable? - I think not.
3. He didn't look particularly cheery himself.
4. What does it have to do with him anyway.

Very strange.